So we set up the toaster today, my husband and I, like newlyweds + the background of kids screaming for their dinner, and I figured I could just plug it in, stick in a frozen waffle and the kids would be nourished. Looks like these items have gotten high tech and come with directions - aka a 10-page user manual that actually contains four (4) lined pages for "notes."
Like I'm at a toaster convention and I need to jot down the best setting for my pumpernickel.
So for shits and giggles, I read it outloud starting with Step 1: remove the toaster from the packaging.
It reminded me of when my mom told me that newspapers are written at a 5th grade level. Toaster manuals are written for people who time traveled here from the year 1620.
I think we can safely assume that if you managed to pull out the directions from where they were hiding, chances are you've already taken the toaster out of the box.
Engrossed in all the different possible toast-concoctions and completely ignoring my kids pleads for food, I went straight to Frequently Asked Questions.
A memorizing array of choices ...
I have a FAQ! Do you really think anyone is taking notes on your toaster? And you omitted the toast instructions for pumpernickel!
FAQ 1: My toast isn't toasting? Answer: have you checked to make sure the toaster is plugged in? Have you pressed down the lever? Have you taken the toaster out of the box?
FAQ 2: I like to spread my toast with peanut butter and
then pop it in the toaster to melt a little. Is this
okay? Answer: No. You are the reason offices have banned toasters from the tiny office kitchen. You are probably the same person who steals other peoples yogurt from the communal fridge.
The fact that this made it to the FAQ #2 spot right ahead of "what do I do now, my bread is jammed in the toaster!?" frightens me on the state of toaster-users across America. If you want to melt your PB that's what a microwave oven is for.
Now that's a manual I need to get my hands on!
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